


The Last

by placida_nox



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Season 7 Spoilers, emotionally tense chat, there's kind of subtext
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-10 23:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/791626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/placida_nox/pseuds/placida_nox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last

**Author's Note:**

> My second work also beta'd by my cousin who is awesome for putting up with me (any mistakes in it are my own). What happens in this takes place right after 'Born again identity' in season 7. It turned out more angsty then i thought it would... I couldn't think up a title for this so when my cousin suggested something random I named the fic that hence 'The Last'

Dean sat up. He had been staring up at the ceiling for who knows how long. He couldn’t seem to be able to fall asleep without waking up soon after trying. Even watching the moonlight and shadows shift and change on the ceiling didn’t help him fall asleep.

He rubbed his tired eyes and took in the room. The moonshine invaded half of the darkness but made the shadows in the room seem even deeper. There was a light breeze which ruffled the leaves of the bushes outside the motel room window. Through the branches he could make out the outline of the Impala waiting in the abandoned parking lot. Dean’s eyes followed the outline of the furniture to Sam, in the bed next to his own.

Sam was sleeping soundly. Dean was relieved to see Sammy sleeping again, relieved to see him not being tortured any more.

Dean knew if he tried again he wouldn’t go to sleep and he didn’t feel that tired anyway so he pushed the sheets off him and wandered into the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and sighed; it’d been a long day of driving. He reached out for a towel and slid the course material down his face. He chucked it aside and looked up into the mirror. Outside the doorway behind him he saw something stir in the half darkness.

“Sammy?” he turned.

But the figure who stepped forward into the light had brown hair which was cut short. His eyes a deep and soothing blue. And he was wearing a white hospital gown…and a tan trench coat.

Dean felt all his remaining energy drain from him. He steadied himself, gripping the edge of the sink. He swallowed hard and managed to get out a half normal sounding, “Cas”.

“Hello Dean”. He looked at Dean with an innocent face, a small smile forming in the corner of his mouth. Dean hadn’t seen that face in so long that it was almost unbearable to look at now.

Dean took a quick breath. Turning the light off and briskly walking past Cas before anything else could be said, he headed towards his bed. He sat down on the edge and reached for the lamp. The light seemed overly bright as it broke the darkness of the room, Dean was surprised that Sam wasn’t disturbed by it at all.

He looked away from Sam and was met with Cas leaning against the edge of the couch. He didn’t say anything but watched Dean, waiting for him to speak first. When Dean looked away Cas decided to ask, “How are you?”

Dean was startled by the question and his eyes snapped back to Cas’ in confusion, and also a bit of suspicion. “Better.” Dean looked back at Sam who was still sleeping peacefully and let out a sigh of relief. “It’s funny how I’m having trouble sleeping now though.”

Cas stifled a smile. “Why do you think you’re not able to sleep?”

Dean considered the question. “Guess I still have a lot on my mind considering,” he paused meeting Cas’ eyes, “I didn’t even know you were alive until a couple of days ago.”

A lump formed in Cas’ throat and he looked down at his hands. “Punishment.” He muttered.

“What?” Dean frowned.

“Nothing.” Cas looked quickly back at him, regaining his innocent and kind expression.

Dean shifted uncomfortably; how could it be that easy to talk to Cas again like nothing had happened?

“Why are you here?” he asked with an edge to his voice. “How, even? I mean, I thought fixing Sam meant Lucifer’s now stuck in your grapefruit.”

“I came to talk.” Cas answered simply. “As to Lucifer, he was your brother’s hallucination, but yes the effect on me is strong.”

Dean eyed him, “What does that mean?”

“I may not have another opportunity to talk with you.” His shifted away from Dean’s face, plagued with sadness. Dean felt suddenly breathless and had to keep himself from gasping. “Dean, I wanted to say that I’m -”

“Well don’t.” Dean cut him off, his voice surprisingly steady; not revealing his hurt and raw feelings. “Do you think that if you keep saying that, it’ll fix everything that happened? Well it won’t.”

“But -”

“What, Cas? Why say you’re sorry now?” Dean challenged.

“Because I don’t want you forget that I am.” Cas muttered quietly. “And you said, outside the hospital -” Cas left the statement hanging, unsure whether to continue.

Dean picked his words carefully and so that they would sting. “I said what I did because I needed you to focus and fix Sam that’s why.”

Cas nodded his gaze falling, his mouth twisting in anguish at Dean’s words. “The decisions I made were never meant to be seen as a betrayal,” he whispered.

“Well then what the hell was it supposed to be, Cas!” Dean shouted standing up, trying to control the pent-up pain and rage that was building inside him (and only just registering how Sam didn’t seem affected by the outburst). “You went to Crowley!”

“There seemed to be no other alternative at the time.” Cas still didn’t look in Dean’s eyes, afraid of the judgement that was in them.

“You had me.” Dean put his hand on Cas’ shoulder and shook him slightly.

“I did it so you didn’t have to fight anymore. You had given up so much already. I couldn’t ask anything more from you.”

Dean let his hand fall from Cas’ shoulder. “That’s not your decision. Dealing with this crap is my life, always has been, always will be. You can’t change that.” Dean sighed. “I was there. You should have come to me first then there would’ve been nothing to fix.”

“I thought after Sam -” Cas tried, that time looking pleadingly into Dean’s eyes.

“And when I got him back… When I could finally stop worrying about him for once in our lives…” Dean frowned, ignoring how his voice was breaking from tears, “You broke Sam.”

“That…is the action I regret the most. I never wanted to hurt Sam, or you.” Cas replied brokenly.

“Well you did. You knew he’s everything to me. He’s why I keep going through all -” Dean’s voice faltered. “It was so easy for you.”

A small gasp escaped Cas, as if Dean’s words had actually been a punch to the stomach. “Nothing was ever an easy decision, Dean. Nothing I did was easy.”

A tense silence settled between them. Dean stared into the pale blue eyes he thought he had known so well. He thought how Cas probably didn’t realise how much it tortured Dean, seeing him again and being made to think about what Cas had done again. Cas also probably didn’t realise how hard it was for Dean to watch him die.

Cas broke the silence. “Once the worst thing I thought I could do was disobey my… Father… But disappointing you has been… the worst thing I have ever done.” He said it gently, but sadness and regret still heavy in his voice. His last plea for forgiveness.

At that moment Dean turned away and ran his hands down his face, letting out a painful breath. He wanted to forgive Cas but something held him back. It wasn’t so much that Cas didn’t listen and did what Dean said he should, that’s something childish and quite easy to forgive. It was the lies.

“I trusted you.” Dean managed to say. “You turned your back on me. On your family, Cas.”

“Will you ever be able to forgive me, Dean?” Cas was begging, Dean knew that and he could also hear a shred of hope still left in Cas’ voice.

“Probably not.” It came out strangled because before he even said the words he knew it was a lie but he couldn’t stop himself from saying them either.

“But you kept the trench coat…” Cas’ hurt whisper made Dean freeze, instantly regretting his words.

After a pause, Dean heard the familiar sound of wings fluttering softly behind him. Dean started shaking and it was a couple of minutes before he realised he was crying.

 

***

Dean sat up quickly and rubbed his bleary eyes, trying to search the darkness of the room for any movement or maybe someone standing there, waiting.

“Cas?” Dean asked the shadows, but he got no answer.

Sam rolled over in his sleeping bag on the floor next to Dean muttering softly, agitated by the sudden noise of Dean’s voice.

Dean sighed and leant back against the cold, hard wall and scanned the room again. The moon was shining through the grime of the window, hitting the walls which the paint was slowly peeling off of. Dry leaves on the floor rustled as they were disturbed by a draft coming from the front door. The stair case creaked, settling in the coolness of the night.

Dean rubbed his eyes again and frowned, they weren’t in a motel just another abandoned house. It was a dream.


End file.
